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Darwin the Kidnapper
Stayed at home plagiarising ‘till eighteen fifty-nine.
Found a sweet theory, buried out of time.
You know I'm happy now, happy as I can be.
Boy, I b'lieve to my soul, its done put that thing on me.
Net present value (One singer sotto voce)
(Narrator) And Nature the old Nurse, took
The professor upon her knee,
Saying, 'Here is a story, un-cooked
By Darwin for thee.
Gimme your good ideas, to steal for this song.
I'm goin' to have my fun until I'm dead an' gone.
'Cause I'm happy now, an' I can't go wrong.
'Cause I got plenty money, I'm gon' carry this good work on.
Net present value (Two singers sotto voce)
(Narrator) Come wander with me, Nature said
Into books buried, yet undead,
And read what is still unread
In the manuscripts you dread.'
I used to be like a dog, I was tied to a tree.
Now I got plenty ideas and Matthew's theory.
You know I'm happy now, happy as I can be.
If I die tomorrow, the world don't owe a thing to me.
Net present value (Three singers sotto voce)
I used to cry over my stealin', I was dumb as I could be.
Now I've got three books out, brought those new thrills to me.
I'm happy now, I'm happy now.
There's nothin' like a stolen song 'bout a stolen theory.
Net present value (Four singers sotto voce)
I got me two, three books written, sweet as can be.
I put that thing on them, and got a written guarantee.
That I can't go wrong, I mean I can't go wrong.
Nothin' like plenty money, good theories, lies, and song.
The Devil has a name. And its little name is: Net present value (Five singers sotto voce)
(Narrator) And he wandered deeper and deeper
With Nature, the dear old Nurse,
Who sang to him night and day
The truth of the universe.
I got plenty fame by plag-risin, ev'ry day of the week.
All I do is walk around, eat, steal an' sleep.
You know I'm happy now, you know I can't go wrong.
'Cause I took plenty fools, Matthew’s theory and this song.
(Narrator):